Nothing

There's nothing they can do for Fred. Except to try to keep him comfortable in his last days. Which could be 4 days....could be 4 months. We just don't know. They're going to start radiation on monday or tuesday, because Fred wants them to do everything they can to prolong his life-which is completely understandable. He realizes that its not going to save him...but he would like to have as much time as possible with his family. Today is a bad day for him. He didn't sleep much at all last night, due to a headache. He's got a lot of morphine in his system. He's pretty out of it. We're hoping that its due to the morphine and not because the brain tumor is progressing so rapidly. I talked to my mom today and she finally broke down and just started sobbing. I feel so completely helpless. It breaks my heart to hear her crying like that, knowing that I can't be there to comfort her. I keep praying that the Lord will grant him just a little more time, but on the same hand it seems so selfish of me to do that when he's in pain. I know that everything happens for a reason, but this still feels like its so unfair. Why Fred? Why does it have to happen to my family? I know that we're not given more than we can handle, and that my family will pull through this, stronger than ever. Its just so hard to see my mother in so much pain while trying to be so strong for her husband. Right now, we're taking it just one day at a time. The doctors did tell us there would be good days and bad days, so we keep that in mind. We're just praying for his comfort, and for the Lord to Bless us with comfort as well.

Today I sent him a "care package": A big fluffy fleece 49ers blanket, a pair of fuzzy 49ers dice (to hang from his IV pole, of course!) and a 49ers penant for the wall. He's a die-hard fan. (Poor choice of words, much?). I also blew up our family picture from my wedding, and framed. I'm hoping it will help him feel a little more comfortable in his last days.

Please keep praying for Fred, for his comfort in this time of pain. Please pray for the comfort of my family, to know that this is what the Lord wants. There's a reason for it. We don't know what that reason is, but maybe we're not meant to know.